Much of the time, dealing with this Dad person, I really don’t know how to answer him or even what I should do, medically, psychologically, etc. And that place is very wearing.
I’m not sure what is going on half of the time. I know I’m physically here, but I’m having a hard time accepting much of this internally.
Tonight I’ve asked my Guides and the Universe to give me some answers about how to deal with Dad. I know I’m not here to change him and / or his entire life’s history. I guess I’m just here to BE.
There’s nothing, it seems, I can do with his physical body. I feel like he’s already decided what is going to happen with that. Tonight as I said goodnight to him in bed, he just thanked me for listening. Maybe that’s my main role at this time… to listen (and not judge or criticize or anything like that). Maybe he’s not had that before.
I don’t pretend to know something I don’t. I don’t pretend to have answers when I don’t. I don’t even pretend to be “inspirational” when I don’t feel like it.
Sometimes, I just want to disappear from this situation. The “freedom of movement” is not like I’m used to. There’s much “restriction” in how I care to live and BE. I’ve wanted to quit this many times. I’ve wanted to “ship him off” to a care center sometimes. I’ve wanted to ship me off to a care center sometimes.
If this feels like it is “too much” for me to deal with, that could be an option.
I just don’t know.
I’m going to write, “Well it will all work out”, but I don’t know if I actually believe that.
We shall see.