Whenever I put these things out, I know that I will sometimes meet people around here (where I live, in Hawaii) that actually read this blog, and actually know me, in the personal, bodily, 3D and higher, sense. But as it turns out, it really makes no difference to me what I post. If it feels that something “needs” to be posted, or if I really “want” to share something with the world out there, I just do it. I don’t ask questions. I just do it. (Like taking a ride on a camel. Just do it. Figure out how to get down later… and make sure you have enough money to pay the guy who got you up on the camel and took your picture to get you off and give you your camera back (that’s for another blog post!))
So this particular piece I’ve been feeling tonight… Well, it’s just that there is this process called “Ascension”, and sometimes I have not any idea what it will be like at each moment, Until that “each moment” comes. So much of what is going on in my individual “sphere” or “world”, is so absolutely not sense-ick-all, or standard-ick-all, or norm-all. I’ve been looking to maybe going out and seeking “work” to do, to bring in some income, to help pay rent, or other things, and not have to continue to draw on progressively dwindling savings, credit cards, checking accounts.
But tonight sitting here and feeling all about that, it just was like a huge revulsion rose up. There is no way that I can do that right now. No way. This is not an intellectual decision, or choice, or whatever. It’s just the way it is. Where this will go, I don’t know. Where it ends, I don’t know. Where I’ll end up “being” next month, I have no idea.
Sometimes these tinkery voices (that’s the word that came in, “tinkery”) come around for a second or two. They say things like, “Well, you could just go back to what you used to do. That’s okay. How could it hurt to do that? Come on… Get off your butt and get out there. Live that old life you used to live. Go out and play music at the markets like you used to do. All you do now is sit around and read things and post things on this blog and play with your cats and take walks and do energy things and that’s not very important anyway and it doesn’t make you any money and don’t you know you have to be practical and be good to yourself by having a standard income, just like a lot of other people do. Come ONNN…”
I don’t struggle with these tinkery voices at all. I just hear them (or “sense” them), and let them go. As I go back to the next blog post. Which again brings me nothing tangible to help pay my rent or my food or my car payment. Now there is none of the “pity me” idea, that says “I work and I slave and what do I get?” in all this. This is just what this is.
So tough nits if anyone doesn’t go for this. I stopped putting judges around me all the time, and stopped traveling with those judge guys (most of mine were male, for some reason). And now it’s just to be, and to be where I “need”, “want”, “feel”, to be.
This may mean nothing to anybody, but I put it out there, for all the world to see. I tell you, so many times I have NO idea what I am doing here, why I am living in the place I live, and what in Heaven’s name I’m writing. And I guess I’m okay with that.